Your stresses, your trauma, your adaptations, your bendings to fit in can have come at a cost, for it is not what has happened to you but what happened inside of you that’s important. As Bowlby has suggested, every child needs secure attachments, and that ability to form them is a great evolutionary trait
Berne spoke about the “adapted child” in his Transactional Analysis model. When do you feel you have adult to adult conversations with people and how often do you feel like a frustrated child being spoken to by a critical parent? Each of us arrives with a unique set of genes, into a unique time, with unique relationships, in a unique society, with unique norms and yet is part of a unique world full of individuals all experiencing this uniquely connected but profoundly disconnected world at the same moment.
We need balanced conversations that understand there can be hidden traumas, unique traumas that require compassion. Tread carefully when you speak to me for it’s my soul you are treading on.
Appreciative Inquiry starts from a simple premis, ‘what works?’ My Appreciative Inquiry 1st group on Linkedin has a wealth of resources available on Appreciative Inquiry, or try the Appreciative Inquiry Commons site. I think this quote from Robyn Stratton-Berkessel says it more eloquently than I can,
An appreciative voice provides safety for others to speak their truths. It is invitational and watchful. An appreciative voice is unhurried and patient. It can reframe situations to be helpful and resourceful. It is flexible. The appreciative voice is inclusive. It acknowledges diversity and identifies opportunities to offer possibilities to hold the space for transformational shifts to emerge.”
May all your conversations be filled with compassion and appreciative inquiry.